Fixing paper one!

I had lot of issues on punctuation, and capitalization. Especially, I use a comma to separate two adjectives when the word and can be inserted between them. For instance it says on paragraph one says “In American society people value money, and so their advertisers use this advisement to convince people that they getting chase freedom card will actually save you money.” Then I change it to In American society people value money, and so their advertisers use this advisement to convince people that they getting Chase freedom card will actually save you money. Another issue is I didn’t include the message, product, and the date that it been made or produced. For example on my draft it says” The first object that captured my eyes was the dollars shaped like a petal”. Then I had to fix it to make it more sensible, clear, and my topic to be strong I had to introduce the product am going to talk about in my paper. Therefore, the change was like this “When I first saw the spring 2011 magazine advertisements of Chase bank, the first object that captured my eyes was the dollars shaped like a petal. This sounds much better, because the readers will know what is the following paragraph going to be about. One of these comment you made on my paper was how i had lot of "Sentence structure" and you said "I know you’re quite a good writer, so I wonder if you were trying to make it sound more “college-like” and in the process, many sentences got so complex that they became incorrect." I understant I have so many incorrect sentence and I think I had these mistakes because I was actually trying to make it sound right then it turn out to be unclear sentences because too much longe incorrect sentences. Which i will hopefully work on in my revise paper.I am pretty think your comments had helped me lot to notice what I have written wrong and learn from it.

Thanks Alyssa